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"I'm a hero," says Sully after more water landings

Captain Chesley "Sully" Sullenberger and First Officer Jeffrey Skiles reunited in the cockpit to take charge of a flight from North Carolina to New York City. He then astonished and thrilled passengers by landing his plane in the Hudson for a second time.

2009-10-01

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New rudest word discovered

Rude word A team of vulgarity scientists at the University of Dublin has confirmed the existence a new word which is believed to be ruder than any yet known. It is nearly three times more obscene than the current rudest words, with a offensiveness index of an incredible 2.75.

2009-09-25

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World not realistic enough say reality show fans

Bored receptionist Reviews from reality show fans suggest that the real world falls short of their expectations, and unless steps are taken quickly to improve the situation, they will give up on it.

2009-09-18

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New Patrick Swayze joke in the works

Patrick Swayze in Ghost After the tragic death of Patrick Swayze, comedians are scrambling to celebrate the actor's life by coming up with a joke for the occasion. A team from Harvard has been working on a joke for several months. They announced that they were very close to completing a joke.

2009-09-15

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Death sentence for killer pedophile Tom Cruise

Tom Cruise Tom Cruise faces death by lethal injection as his punishment for his role in the savage slayings of dozens of small children, if he ever commits this crime, which, so far, he hasn't, says a Nielsen survey on hypothetical crimes.

2009-09-13

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Pluto demoted from "dwarf planet" to "star faerie"

Pluto In a surprise announcement, the International Astronomical Union (IAU) has stated that Pluto will no longer be considered a dwarf planet, and will henceforth be known as a "star faerie".

2009-09-11

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"You lie" yell provokes calls for violence

Joe WilsonJoe Wilson, the Republican congressman who yelled "You lie" at President Obama, says he meant no disrespect, and let his emotions get the better of him. But the comment brought a gasp from the house, and, after a stunned pause, the president accused Miller of being "a rude white shit".

2009-09-10

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Software licenses contain secret damnation clauses

Fiery contract Mary Migworth, a 26-year-old single mother, lost her soul after agreeing to some small print for her 3-year-old son's Reader Rabbit game. "It included a line about how I was subject to 29A. It wasn't until later that I discovered that 29A is computer code for 666. It's the hexadecimal number of the beast."

2009-09-09

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Bono's U2 shot down over Russia

U2 plane The band U2 has been shot down while flying over Russia. Lead singer Bono ejected from the plummeting pop group and parachuted to safety, but was subsequently captured by Russian troops.

2009-09-05

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Physicians conduct human collider experiments

Roller coaster of fire The Society of High Energy Physicians has announced that it has completed construction of its human supercollider. The gigantic device will smash human beings together in an attempt to discover a so-called Theory of Everyone.

2009-09-04

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