Pope proposes Catholic-Muslim merger

Pope Benedict XVI said Sunday that it was time for a merger between Christianity and Islam. Speaking to a crowd of thousands, he made a case for the new religion, which he called Catholicislam.

“I am willing to wear that Arab head thing. And we have come up with a great new logo for the new religion. Let’s do this.”

Many Vatican observers were surprised by the development, in light of Benedict’s strained relationship with Islam, following his controversial comments in 2006, about the Prophet Muhammad bringing the world only “evil and inhuman things”.

“I’d had a bad night, and, you know how these things are, I said a few things I shouldn’t have,” said the Pope. “But that’s what led to the merger. I was talking to the Muslim Pope, Ahmed the Tremendous. And I’m like, sorrreeee, and he’s like, no probs, and then he made a joke about how we should just merge into one big church. And I’m laughing, and he’s laughing. And then, we look at each other, and we’re both, like, you know, that’s not a bad idea. So we batted around some ideas for names, logos, market share and so on. We’re just trying some stuff out.”

The Pope was not concerned that devout Catholics may be upset by the new combined-faith church. “Let’s just say, if they’re that devout, they’ll do what I say. I can switch to infallibility mode any time I like. And if any of my people don’t like that, they can just kiss my ring goodbye.”

The Pope downplayed concerns that the merger could bring Muslim terrorists into the Catholic church, dismissing the attacks of recent years as youthful hijinks. “Hey, what kid hasn’t joined an extremist group at some time or other. I feel for those young mujahideen scallywags. It’s just a phase. I was in the Hitler Youth, myself.”

“I’ll tell you one thing, though,” quipped the aged pontiff, “when this deal goes through, those Jews better watch out! No, I’m kidding, I’m totally kidding.”