Mathematicians celebrate baffling new proof

GlimpiMathematicans around the world were celebrating today, after the announcement that Glimpi’s Conjecture had been proved by Edward Chen and Elias Gruenwald at MIT.

The 29-year-old Chen said, “We are delighted. Glimpi’s Conjecture is literally the Holy Grail of numeric set lassitude mathematics.”

Gruenwald laughed as he added “And of non-polychromic mathematics in general!”

Reaction from mathematicians worldwide was swift.

“Whatever Glimpi’s Conjecture is, it sounds like these young men have solved it,” said Roger Plapper, from Britain’s Royal Society of Sums. “This breakthrough is tremendously, tremendously exciting. We are living in historic times.”

Plapper admitted that, with so many branches of mathematics, he was unable to understand the proof himself. “It’s a very specialized field,” he said. “I haven’t studied numeric set lassitude mathematics, or even heard of it until this morning. But that’s what’s so wonderful about it. It sounds like really hard maths.”

According to the press release from discoverers Chen and Gruenwald, Glimpi’s Conjecture is a long-standing thorn in the side of mathematicans studying the field of numeric set lassitude. First formulated in 1826 by German-Hungarian mathematician and chiropractor Brian Glimpi, it states that any n-array value not including b must be bi-literate as an n+b substrate of the embracing Tau set.

“I don’t understand a word of it,” said Plapper. “That tells me that these people must be really smart.”

In an afternoon press conference, the young mathematicans explained their discovery in concrete terms.

Said Gruenwald, “Imagine that you are standing on a sled, travelling sideways, while balls of various colors are thrown at you from behind, from another sled. You don’t know how many colors there are in total, but if you are hit by a red ball, it will hurt you. Well, obviously, that’s a perfect example of Glimpi’s Conjecture in action.”

Chen added, “The math may be hard, but we deal with it every day. For example, imagine a spinning disk, painted half white and half black. A cube is dropped onto it, hits the disk, and flies off in an arbitrary direction. Now imagine a room filled with such disks and cubes. Sometimes the flying cubes hit each other, and sometimes they don’t. And that’s what Glimpi’s Conjecture is all about. It’s that easy.”

The pair then showed a picture of a complex golden cube, which represented a graph of the proof.

Around the world, mathematicians were amazed by the discovery.

“This is going to shake up everything,” said Zaj Klywj, Professor of Mathematics at the University of Toronto. “It sounds like Glimpi’s is one of the big ones, for sure. It’s one of those things that sounds easy, but then you look at it and it’s confusing. Beautiful. This is probably the sort of discovery that will get an Abel Prize or Fields Medal or something. This Tau set n-array stuff, or whatever they said, it sounds really impressive.”

Back at MIT, the excitement was so great that the Department of Non-Polychromic Mathematics suspended classes for faculty and both students.

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