Heather Mills McCartney to marry the Jonas Brothers

LOS ANGELES – Heather Mills McCartney is going down the aisle again in September, this time marrying sensational pop trio the Jonas Brothers.

“I’m marrying for an old-fashioned reason,” said the former biped model. “It’s the love between a woman and three men. I have a profound and romantic connection to Kevin, Joe and the other one.”

The nuptials come just 17 months after Mills was awarded £24.3 in a divorce settlement from ex Beatle Sir Paul McCartney. But don’t go calling her a golddigger.

“I had no idea who these guys were when I met them,” she laughs. “I just happened to bump into them while standing outside the gate to their Hollywood home, and then again later when I just happened to be leaning against the door to their recording studio. It was only after we started dating, that I discovered they were famous, wealthy musicians.”

Mills says shared interests are the basis of her relationship with the bubblegum boy band.

“We like many of the same things like mansions, cars, 5 star resorts, clothes, jewelry, art masterpieces, and blue chip stocks.”

The Jonas Brothers stand to earn approximately 75 million dollars this year from film, television, recordings, and concerts, which Mills McCartney acknowledges is a substantial amount of money.

“Yeah, it’s some serious coin,” she joked. “Suck on that, Paul.”

Mills brushed aside suggestions that marrying three men is not legal. “You wouldn’t stand in the way of true love, would you? Well, would you?!” shrilled the starry-eyed quadragenarian, in a packed press conference. “Anyway, there are places that will do it.”

The wedding will be held in the African Togolese Republic, with the honeymoon to follow in Las Vegas Nevada.

Mills McCartney, 41, is also unfazed by the age difference between herself and grooms-to-be, Kevin 21, Joe 19 and Nick 16.

“The boys’ combined age is 56, just 15 years older than me, and ten years younger than my last husband. So it’s not a big deal.”

Mills plans to take on her husbands’ surnames after she ties the knot, and will be known as Heather Mills Jonas Jonas Jonas.

When asked about the recent announcement that Kevin Jonas was engaged to hairdresser Danielle Deleasa, Mills McCartney was plucky and defiant, screeching, “Oh is he now? Well you better check that out. For instance, when was the last time anyone actually saw Miss Deleasa?”