Woman finds “lucky penny” dating from Big Bang

“See a penny, pick it up. All the day you’ll have good luck.” The verse is more than a saying for Eileen Mueller, of Morse, Saskatchewan. While leaving her work at a fish processing plant a few weeks ago, she spotted a penny on the road. The penny has turned out to be a priceless collectible.

“I could see the penny was an old one. Instead of a head, it just had a hydrogen atom. But when I checked the date, I was surprised to see it read 13,700,000,000 B.C.”

Mueller took the old copper coin to retired economist and money expert Alan Greenspan to see if it had any value. She was astonished when Greenspan told her that her “lucky penny” was worth enough to make her rich for the rest of her life.

Said Greenspan, “The coin dates from the time of the Big Bang. Back then, the whole universe was only worth $218. So, today, that coin is worth in excess of fifty octillion dollars – that’s fifty thousand, trillion, quadrillion dollars, vastly more than the value of everything on earth.”

Mueller has now cashed in the penny, and is making plans for how to spend her windfall. “I already have everything I need,” said the 62-year-old grandmother. “But I might buy a new coat, and some presents for the little ones.”

Mueller works as a line worker in the fish plant, cutting open fish which are unfit for human consumption, and scraping out the innards for use in budget cat food. The factory has one of the country’s highest rates for tetanus, caused by the rusty knives, and her boss has been repeatedly charged with beating his employees with an iron bar.

“But I would never leave my job,” said Mueller.

The revenue from the penny from the dawn of the universe is enough to give every man, woman and child on earth ten quintillion dollars, bringing a permanent end to poverty and hunger and ushering in an age of universal prosperity.

But Mueller’s plans are more humble. “No, I’ll get the coat, and some small toys for Mike and Jenn’s kids,” she said. “After that, it all goes in the bank and stays there.”