Holy Ghost to leave Trinity

trinityThe Holy Ghost announced yesterday that it would be leaving the Trinity, citing “creator differences” as the cause of the breakup.

Insiders say that the Holy Ghost has been feeling left out and ignored for some time, and resented taking a back seat to Jesus in church publicity.

The Holy Ghost, also known as the Holy Spirit, and “Dove”, is officially co-equal and co-eternal with God the Father and God the Son, but while God is credited with bringing the entire universe into being, and Jesus is praised for saving all mankind, the Holy Ghost’s responsibilities have tended to involve such detail work as “enabling the Christian life” and “the inspiration and interpretation of Scripture”.

“It was supposed to be an even split,” said one source, “but everybody knows that the Holy Ghost has always got the smallest piece of the pie. We’ve seen some huge blowups behind the scenes. There’s a lot of jealousy there.”

However, in an afternoon press conference, the Holy Ghost maintained a positive tone.

“God is an amazing guy, and has been fantastic to work with,” said the Spirit. “I also have tremendous respect for Jesus. There can’t be many deities out there who have the talents to save mankind, and also build a nice wooden cabinet.”

The Spirit expressed the desire to branch out into solo work. “All things change – even things that are eternal, unchanging and unchangeable, and I just think it’s time for me to try some new directions.”

The ghost is said to be in negotiations with the Pentecostal church over an exclusive worshipping arrangement. There are also reports of a new Holy Ghost web site.

Reaction from other gods was mixed, but many were sympathetic to the Holy Ghost.

“The Trinity was always a tight group. Maybe too tight,” said Hindu god Vishnu. “It’s three, it’s one, it’s three-in-one. It’s very easy to lose your identity in a situation like that. I should know. I’m ten people.”

The breakup has generated tremendous interest, not only in religious circles, but also in the entertainment industry.

“He’s picking the right time to leave,” said Morton Scheem, a media analyst. “There is a lot of excitement about ghosts right now, with many TV shows and films about haunted houses and psychic investigations. If I was in the Holy Ghost’s shoes, I’d be trying to work some vampires in there too, because those are also really hot.”

Scheem believes that a solo Holy Ghost has the potential to be a bigger hit than the Trinity.

“The Holy Ghost isn’t preachy, doesn’t talk much, and is seductively mysterious. It’s the right image for the 21st century. Even atheists have a soft spot for the Holy Ghost.”

God’s official spokesman, Pope Benedict, denied widespread speculation that the Virgin Mary would fill the gap, calling the rumours “a false assumption.” He also dismissed suggestions that God the Father and Jesus Christ would continue on as the Binity.

It was later announced that the other members of the Trinity will choose a replacement for the third member in a new reality show, “America’s Holiest Ghost”.

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