Disease shortage affects millions

A new study at the Centres for Disease Expansion revealed that only 70 percent of the population has an illness or medical disorder of some kind.

Team leader Dr. Pran Feesberg said investigators were “shocked” by the results.

“It means that nearly a third of North Americans have no trace of disease – nothing they can take drugs for, no condition they can complain about to friends – just a bleak, empty life, devoid of infirmity.”

Prominent doctors hailed the results as a wakeup call for the the medical and pharmaceutical industries.

“We have come a long way in expanding our definition of illness to encompass everyone,” said Dr Carl Hooner, author of Embracing Your Sick Self. “But what this study makes clear is that we still have much further to go.”

Feesberg acknowledged that doctors have made great strides in providing universal access to medical conditions.

“We have worked hard to create new diseases, like fibromyalgia, restless leg syndrome, and attention deficit disorder,” said Feesberg. “And we have also tried to soften the definitions, so that once rare and severe disorders like autism can be expanded to a wider market of people who would once have been considered merely quirky, and not sick at all.”

But Feesberg says the real problem is the way diseases are divided among patients.

“Very often, the patient who is overweight and rides a scooter, with a peanut allergy and asthma, is also grabbing diseases like mild Asperger syndrome and Epstein Barr virus. And that means other patients are left with nothing at all.”

The chronic shortage of chronic diseases can cause suffering and social stigma for those not afflicted. William Bithersey, an actuary from Buffalo, NY, is just one of the millions of Americans without health issues.

“I had dinner with some colleagues recently,” he said. “It seemed like they were all unfit in some way. One had pre-hypertension, another was borderline diabetic with a heart murmur, and someone else had chronic fatigue syndrome. There was a wonderful bond of sympathy and understanding between them. Then they asked me what illness I had. I said I’d lost a leg. It was a lie, and they all knew it. I was so embarrassed.”

Feesberg said that Bithersey’s case is all too typical.

“We need new diseases, and we need them now,” said Feesberg. “Sure, we have diseases like swine flu in our back pocket, but those will only knock most people out for a few days. They’re a short term solution.”

Feesberg believes that we need to start looking at ways to expand other disease. This might include redefining schizophrenia to include people who daydream, or diagnosing moles as pre-cancerous growths.

“The work to create these new syndromes and disorders is expensive, and takes time, but every human being on this planet should have a disease they can call their own.”