“Modest Dalek peacekeeping force” to augment troops in Afghanistan
KABUL – NATO Secretary General Anders Fogh Resmussen announced today that the alliance would phase in Dalek forces in its operations in Afghanistan. Said Resmussen, “We fully intend to withdraw foreign troops from Afghanistan. But Daleks are not foreign. They are alien. And there is a big difference.”
The mutant alien life forms, encased in robot-like shells, have expressed their willingness to participate in the effort to suppress Taliban activity in the troubled nation. Under the new proposals, NATO forces will gradually withdraw, to be replaced by Dalek battle squadrons, consisting of Daleks from the E212 and E18 Earth Invasion Forces.
Several Dalek units have already seen action fighting alongside American troops in the 101st Airborne Division. US soldiers were impressed by their single minded devotion to duty, and resilience in combat.
“I have nothing but good things to say about them,” said Sgt. Travis Collins, of Squitney, Minnesota. “They have great night vision technology, they are very tough, and their plunger arms are perfect for unclogging blocked latrines.”
Collins added that the Daleks have proved their worth against the enemy. “I saw one of them roll right over an roadside bomb just up the road there. Not a scratch on him. Then he floats into a building nearby and neutralizes a large number of enemy combatants. Dalek intelligence informed us that it was a rebel base, disguised as an orphanage and hospital. Apparently, the orphans would have attacked our convoy if the Dalek hadn’t acted when he did, so a lot a lives were saved that day.”
Despite their warlike nature, the Daleks have agreed not to make use of nuclear weapons, preferring to use their whisk-like exterminator weapons, which disintegrate human flesh without dangerous radiation.
Dalek spokesman Davros affirmed that the long-term goal remains to transfer full control to the Afghan people, “or whatever beings occupy Afghanistan when we have finished our operations.”
“We will pacify Afghanistan swiftly and irreversibly,” said the one-eyed, disabled scientist. “The Afghan troops will be helpless against the irresistible power and might of the Dalek forces,” he said, drawing a chuckle from assembled reporters. When reminded that the Daleks would be fighting alongside the Afghan troops, Davros said the words “helpless against” were a typo, and should have read “helped by”.
“But rest assured that the Tali-ban will be ex-TER-minated,” he said. “And then the people of Earth [will be helped].”
A long column of Daleks then echoed the cry, “Ex-TER-minate the Tali-ban! Ex-TER-minate the Tali-ban!” as they slid out through the doors of the press center.