Canadiens use Voodoo to Defeat Capitals
The eighth place Montreal Canadiens defeated the regular season NHL champion Washington Capitals in game seven of their first round playoff matchup in one of the biggest upsets in NHL history yesterday. Most believe the team came up with a little something extra to win the series, but insiders believe that “something extra” was voodoo magic.
“We finished 33 points ahead of them in the regular season,” says Capital head coach Bruce Boudreau. “Obviously we are the much better team. How else can you explain it?”
Capital forward Alexander Semin agreed with the allegations. Semin produced 40 goals and 84 points during the regular season, yet had no goals and only one point in the seven game series. “It was like my legs couldn’t move like they normally do, almost like they were tied together at times,” said Semin.
Semin wasn’t only one with that type of performance. League MVP Alex Ovechkin also performed well below expected levels.
Canadiens players were quick to dismiss these allegations. “We beat them with great hustle and great goaltending.,” said Canadiens forward Mike Cammaleri. When asked about the row of tiny dolls dressed as the Washington players, spotted behind the Montreal bench for the latter part of the series, Cammaleri explained that many of the Canadiens were big fans of the top Washington players, so why wouldn’t they carry around their favourite dolls with them.
And the pins? “Quite a few of the teams players are heavily into needlework,” explained Cammaleri. “Our jerseys often get ripped or torn. They are expensive, and our players can’t afford to buy new ones, so they often repair them. What else do you expect them to do during stoppages in play. I believe the Washington players making these accusations are just sore losers.”
Canadiens team doctor, Jean Parook who recently joined the team from his native Haiti, concurred. “Yes, very sore.”
NHL commissioner Gary Bettman said: “These are serious allegations, and we run a first rate league. I want to make it clear that voodoo will not be tolerated.” However, in the midst of his statement, Bettman appeared to have a change of heart. Giving a loud shriek, and clawing at his shoulder and hip, he declared loudly, “Whatever you say! I take it all back! There will be no investigation.” He then added emphatically, “No investigation! No voodoo!”
Still if you are Sidney Crosby, the captain of the Pittsburgh Penguins, and Montreal’s next opponent, you might want to watch your back…