Category: Headlines
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“Royal gene” discovered
Researchers have found the genetic mutation in human DNA which is responsible for making someone a member of the British Royal Family. The discovery sheds new insight in the ancient origins of the royals, as well as allowing future monarchs to be identifed sooner. The finding, published in this month’s issue of the Journal of…
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Obama: “Death Panel” crushers are humane
WASHINGTON – President Obama continued to deny persistent rumors that his health care proposals would create a government “death panel”. “We have never proposed a death panel,” said Obama. “It is actually two panels, pushed together by hydraulic presses.” He described the system as “swift and humane.” Obama said the idea of government officials passing…
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Internet to be completed by 2010
Officials have announced that the internet will be completed in 2010, ten years ahead of schedule. The massive effort has been underway since the 1960s, when the internet was first launched as ARPANET. It its first year, it contained 32 emails, a picture of an American flag, and a web page about ponies. The international…
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Climate change sets Bermuda Triangle adrift
The mysterious disappearance of a Russian cargo ship, which left Finland on July 23, has climate scientists fearing that global warming has set the Bermuda Triangle adrift on the ocean, leaving a trail of destruction in its wake. Computer calculations by NASA’s Bermuda Triangle expert Dustin Morissette show that the triangle has been affected by…
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Fifth Beatles to reunite
George Martin, Pete Best, and Phil Spector have announced that the Fifth Beatles are to re-form. They plan a series of concerts across Europe and North America, featuring the band’s trademark record producing, drumming, singing, and murdering talents. A fourth Fifth Beatle, Stu Sutcliffe, who died in 1962, will be represented by his German photographer…
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Hudson River airport plans scrapped
NEW YORK – The recent crash between a small plane and a helicopter full of tourists over New York’s Hudson River has claimed more than human lives – it has also scuttled plans to use the river as a New York City airport. The Hudson River Airport Authority has worked for 15 years to turn…
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New Twitter messages to be 1 character long
The social networking site Twitter has announced that it is slashing the length of user messages, or tweets from 140 characters or less to 1 character or less. “At first, it was about cutting costs,” said Mary-Ellen Twitter, inventor of the popular service. “Going from 140 characters to one means we’ve slashed costs by 99.3%.…
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Amusing horse draws rave reviews
An amusing horse which wears a comical, Santa-like cap decorated with reindeer horns, is drawing rave reviews from south of the border. “That horse was funny. Very funny,” said Miles Krausner, from Bennington, Vermont, who was visiting Canada with his wife Esther. Asked whether they thought the horse might go on to become really big,…
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Anti-Submarine mission complete
Two Canadian Navy vessels were dispatched across Hudson Bay yesterday, after a report that a Russian submarine had been spotted in Canadian waters by Mrs Betty McPherson, at Screech Point. . Navy attack kayaks Vengeance and Indestructible moved swiftly across the Bay to challenge the foe, but discovered that what had appeared to be the…
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Canadian gets on Saturday Night Live
Canadian Fiona Elliot appeared on the American television show Saturday Night Live last week. Her Canadian features were splashed on millions of television screens across the United States, as she sat in the audience and laughed at the comedy hijinks. “It was a dream come true,” says the 23-year-old, who hopes to parlay her appearance…