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“Modest Dalek peacekeeping force” to augment troops in Afghanistan

“Modest Dalek peacekeeping force” to augment troops in Afghanistan

KABUL – NATO Secretary General Anders Fogh Resmussen announced today that the alliance would phase in Dalek forces in its operations in Afghanistan. Said Resmussen, “We fully intend to withdraw foreign troops from Afghanistan. But Daleks are not foreign. They are alien. And there is a big difference.” The mutant alien life forms, encased in […]

April 23rd, 2010 | Posted in Headlines, World | Read More »

Airliner stuck aloft in volcanic cloud

Airliner stuck aloft in volcanic cloud

Rescuers continued efforts to free the airliner which became lodged in the cloud of ash on Wednesday evening. The plane struck the ashbar while cruising at 40,000 feet, minutes after Captain Chesley “Sully” Sullenberger caught sight of the cloud, believed to be fallout from the recent Icelandic volcano eruption. Sulllenberger quickly slipped the plane into […]

April 22nd, 2010 | Posted in Headlines, World | Read More »

Mild-mannered America revealed as Superpower

Mild-mannered America revealed as Superpower

The world’s nations were shocked yesterday to discover that America, a mild-mannered and respectable nation who works in the film industry, is none other than The United States, a crimefighting superpower. For many years, I have been fighting world crime as The United States,” admitted America. “Now I have decided to retire, and can finally […]

August 29th, 2009 | Posted in Headlines, World | Read More »

Miss Universe discriminatory, say aliens

Miss Universe discriminatory, say aliens

Miss Venezuela, Stefania Fernandez, was crowned Miss Universe 2009 on Sunday, but victory celebrations were half-hearted following accusations by aliens that the Miss Universe pageant discriminates against other parts of the universe. Zaxt K’taaah, who won the 2008 Miss 51 Pegasi B competition, said that the pageant perpetuated an Earth-centered view of feminine beauty, and […]

August 24th, 2009 | Posted in Headlines, World | Read More »

Saudi Arabia flies from “indecent” planet

Saudi Arabia flies from “indecent” planet

Saudi Arabia has left the planet, citing “gross indecency” and “religious error” as the reasons for its departure. In the early hours of this morning, the country’s conservative religious leaders summoned an enormous Roc, a magical Arabian bird of tremendous size, to pluck the nation from the earth’s crust and carry it off into the […]

August 3rd, 2009 | Posted in Headlines, World | Read More »

African prince shares millions with builder

African prince shares millions with builder

SPARTA, Wisconsin – After many years of sending emails around the world to good people he hoped would help him, deposed Nigerian Prince Arthur Eze finally found builder Al Espensen of Sparta, Wisconsin. With Espensen’s assistance, Eze has secured his once locked fortune of 96.6 million dollars. Mr.Espensen found out that being a Good Samaritan […]

July 29th, 2009 | Posted in Business, Headlines, World | Read More »

US bombs Japan – “This time, we got you good”

US bombs Japan – “This time, we got you good”

The United States has carried out a massive “sneak attack” air strike on Tokyo, in a belated retaliation for the 1941 attack against Pearl Harbor. The attack, which destroyed the Tokyo harbour area, and sunk hundreds of yachts, freighters, and other commercial vessels, was permitted under a provision of Japan’s surrender at the end of […]

July 26th, 2009 | Posted in Headlines, World | Read More »

Piece of rubble found beneath survivors

Piece of rubble found beneath survivors

A small piece of rubble was removed unharmed from beneath the collapsed survivors of a Burlington apartment building this morning. The rocklike chunk of concrete had been trapped for more than 76 hours beneath the tangled mass of 500 healthy humans. Although several tons of concrete and debris had been removed from beneath the breathing […]

July 21st, 2009 | Posted in Headlines, World | Read More »

North Korea successfully test-crashes seven ballistic missiles

North Korea successfully test-crashes seven ballistic missiles

North Korea has conducted successful test crashes of seven ballistic missiles, according to the North Korean state-run newspaper, the Pyongyang Gleaner & Taedong Shopping News. One of the missiles, believed to be a Longdong-A ballistic missile, was photographed as it corkscrewed through the sky, flipped, and smashed sidelong into the Sea of Japan. “It was […]

July 4th, 2009 | Posted in Headlines, World | Read More »

Pope proposes Catholic-Muslim merger

Pope proposes Catholic-Muslim merger

Pope Benedict XVI said Sunday that it was time for a merger between Christianity and Islam. Speaking to a crowd of thousands, he made a case for the new religion, which he called Catholicislam. “I am willing to wear that Arab head thing. And we have come up with a great new logo for the […]

July 1st, 2009 | Posted in Headlines, World | Read More »