Category: Sci/Tech
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Young insurance executives beat Minesweeper
In a moment that resembled a scene out of The Hurt Locker, three insurance executives at have cracked Microsoft’s Minesweeper game.
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New rudest word discovered
A team of vulgarity scientists at the University of Dublin has confirmed the existence a new word which is believed to be ruder than any yet known. It is nearly three times more obscene than the current rudest words, with a offensiveness index of an incredible 2.75. By comparison, “bum” rates a mere 0.12, while…
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Pluto demoted from “dwarf planet” to “star faerie”
In a surprise announcement, the International Astronomical Union (IAU) has stated that Pluto will no longer be considered a dwarf planet, and will henceforth be known as a “star faerie”. The move follows the 2006 decision in which Pluto was downgraded from planet to dwarf planet. “If Jupiter and Saturn are giant planets, then, realistically,…
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Physicians conduct human collider experiments
The Society of High Energy Physicians has announced that it has completed construction of its human supercollider. The gigantic device will smash human beings together in an attempt to discover secrets about the earliest origins of homo sapiens. The research forms part of the quest for a so-called Theory of Everyone. “We doctors get a…
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New types of weather on the way
As the world’s climate continues to change, weather experts say we will see not only more extreme weather conditions, but also entirely new types of weather. Old fashioned weathers, like “sunny”, “rain”, “overcast” and “snow” will gradually disappear, replaced by such meteorological newcomers as “Sky Fire” and “Limp Wallys”. We polled 100 of the world’s…
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“Royal gene” discovered
Researchers have found the genetic mutation in human DNA which is responsible for making someone a member of the British Royal Family. The discovery sheds new insight in the ancient origins of the royals, as well as allowing future monarchs to be identifed sooner. The finding, published in this month’s issue of the Journal of…
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Climate change sets Bermuda Triangle adrift
The mysterious disappearance of a Russian cargo ship, which left Finland on July 23, has climate scientists fearing that global warming has set the Bermuda Triangle adrift on the ocean, leaving a trail of destruction in its wake. Computer calculations by NASA’s Bermuda Triangle expert Dustin Morissette show that the triangle has been affected by…
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Human lifespan extended by using dog years
A scientific breakthrough may allow humans to reach previously undreamed of ages, through the use of “dog years”. Researchers at the Bethesda Institute for Aging have tested Canine Annual Equivalents (CAEs) or “dog years” on human volunteers and found that it greatly increased human lifespan. Thanks to the new advance, humans can live approximately seven…
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Moon landings faked on Pluto
On the fortieth anniversary of the first moon landing, NASA head Charles Bolden admitted that the 1969 moon landings were a hoax. “We have never put a man on the moon,” said Bolden. “It was all done on Pluto.” Sharp-eyed conspiracy theorists have long maintained that the lunar mission was faked, pointing to subtle discrepancies…
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Japanese space module Kibo not set to unleash destruction on unsuspecting Earth
Astronauts from the space shuttle Endeavour have completed the next stage of Kibo, the Japanese module for the International Space Station. “Kibo is intended to advance science – to do good,” said Tetsuro Yokoyama, the kindly deputy manager of the project. “And yet, everything may change,” added his assistant, the shadowy figure known as Desslok.…