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Soccer Socker Shocker

Soccer Socker Shocker

In a statement that shocked sports fans around the world, FIFA president Sepp Blatter admitted yesterday that the goals in professional soccer are all faked, and that the game exists only to sell socks. “Soccer is now, and has always been, about socks,” said Blatter. “The goals, the running around on the grass, the fouls, […]

July 7th, 2010 | Posted in Headlines, Sports | Read More »

Canadiens use Voodoo to Defeat Capitals

Canadiens use Voodoo to Defeat Capitals

The eighth place Montreal Canadiens defeated the regular season NHL champion Washington Capitals in game seven of their first round playoff matchup in one of the biggest upsets in NHL history yesterday. Most believe the team came up with a little something extra to win the series, but insiders believe that “something extra” was voodoo […]

April 29th, 2010 | Posted in Headlines, Sports | Read More »

Small arms bring big football wins for Hellions

Small arms bring big football wins for Hellions

The Timberville Hellions finally ended their long losing streak with a 10-0 win against the Granby Cougars, after trading their blue uniforms for dapper green camouflage and automatic weapons. Using a combination of suppressing fire and strategically placed antipersonnel devices, the Hellions dominated the game from the opening seconds, when a burst of gunfire from […]

June 30th, 2009 | Posted in Sports | Read More »